Megan (jehoshabeath) wrote,

  • Mood:

I miss...

The holidays are standing right before me!

I miss...
-Christmas lights
-Christmas Eve service
-The tree with its decorations...the birds nest, the old plastic ones, the colorful balls, the ones from elementary school...
-Ham cooking in the oven
-Dad with the camera
-Mom giving direction on which gift to open first
-Matt trying not to look excited
-Gram and Pap looking content and confused by gifts of video games!
-The plushies! Look How Cute!

Yep, just a little sad that I'll miss it this year...No hobbit game or drinking soda from LOTR mugs...

I would feel happier if it weren't for a failed semester at homestay. That makes 3 strikes for me with host families! I just can't get the knack! I feel so much guilt and failure right now that even my freedom at seminar house looks dim. I mean, I spent the past 6 hours looking at ROTK EE caps, reading half of my old lj entries, emailing people,...but I can't seem to get past this feeling of anger.
I guess I still have wrestling to do.
But I can't change all of the mistakes I've made. They are faults and they keep growing if I don't stop them. But I honestly cannot speak to people easily in ANY language. So as long as I remain shy and myself, I will be a failure in someone's book.
I don't understand what I am supposed to do.
And until I figure that out, this guilt won't go away.

And guilt is not something anyone wants to endure over Christmas...

  • The Promise of the Holy Spirit

    Wow, this is exciting! :) I was reading from the Scriptures this evening, and stumbled on this verse: "And behold, I send the promise of my Father…

  • Delight

    One of the things I've been wrestling with this year is harshness toward myself. I struggle to accept God's love for me. I feel like I will only ever…

  • A little light of beauty

    I forgot how much I love this album... (tears) Oraanu / Cartographer by ES Posthumus I used to listen to this music while I wrote descriptive…

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.