-Christmas Eve service
-The tree with its decorations...the birds nest, the old plastic ones, the colorful balls, the ones from elementary school...
-Ham cooking in the oven
-Dad with the camera
-Mom giving direction on which gift to open first
-Matt trying not to look excited
-Gram and Pap looking content and confused by gifts of video games!
-The plushies! Look How Cute!
Yep, just a little sad that I'll miss it this year...No hobbit game or drinking soda from LOTR mugs...
I would feel happier if it weren't for a failed semester at homestay. That makes 3 strikes for me with host families! I just can't get the knack! I feel so much guilt and failure right now that even my freedom at seminar house looks dim. I mean, I spent the past 6 hours looking at ROTK EE caps, reading half of my old lj entries, emailing people,...but I can't seem to get past this feeling of anger.
I guess I still have wrestling to do.
But I can't change all of the mistakes I've made. They are faults and they keep growing if I don't stop them. But I honestly cannot speak to people easily in ANY language. So as long as I remain shy and myself, I will be a failure in someone's book.
I don't understand what I am supposed to do.
And until I figure that out, this guilt won't go away.
And guilt is not something anyone wants to endure over Christmas...