February 24th, 2003


Stuck in a moment

It isn't really a moment as much as a time. A three hour long period of time. I hate labs. Again, a perfectly good pig was hacked into because I wsn't shown how to properly dissect it. I am all for cutting up the fetal pig in the name of knowledge, but if I am doing it in vain and wasting my time - in other words - I wish I were just LEARNING something!! It ticks me off. I have been in a state of shock or something since 10 pm..I can't pull myself out of this feeling of helplessness and guilt and screw-up-ness. Grr. I hate this feeling. I hate lab. It makes me feel dumb and insignificant and hopeless. I came home and have been submerging myself in the unconscious world of my Aestalian stuff. I can hide there and be dead for a time - not dead in life, but to this feeling of failure. I am going to go learn html now so I can pretend to make a website! That sounds like something creative I can do!! ^_^ I want to draw and scan and icon-make and write stries and organize old stories and do all that art stuff!!!! Off I go! Whee!!

I am starting to feel better at last!