August 6th, 2005

Peer over

Living

I want to live sincerely so desperately. I sometimes stop and look at my reflection in the mirror and it seems just like a stranger - I don't see that reflection all that often. Or I stop and feel the breath I inhale into my lungs. Why is it that the only time we thank God for health is after we've just recovered illness? I want to feel myself and know that this person is alive and remember that is as much of a creation as the cloudy skies I praise so dearly. If only I could be more aware of so simple a thing as breath. Is this why idealizations of sacrifice appeal so much? Or why mediation did? How can I train myself to stop biting my lip and start being thankful for being alive and well? I just want to hold that awareness within my soul, but I am so very forgetful and so easily distracted. So easily discouraged from living sincerely. We are the fish in the water and we don't even realize that water which surrounds us, makes us, and gives us power of life. We are so blind.
Jehoshabeath

College weekend

Just got back from RIT a few hours ago. It is nice to be home! Though the meetings I sat through were very dull, the campus up there is *really* impressive. I think my little brother is in good hands!! 'Good thing he didn't follow in his sister's footsteps' is all I have to say ^_~ I am very proud of him :) I still haven't tackled the question of what *I* will do in 2006!! But a possibility in Maryland (with an internship in cities like Washington DC, Ottawa ON, etc) has come to my attention and I will be looking into that.

This weekend has reminded me just how much I love the town of Gettysburg. I really have been fitful this summer, realizing I will not be there much longer...It really is very sad! Maybe someday I can live down there...I would, if other plans weren't pulling me north.

Well, I do have one last year and I am going to make the most of it for sure!
I will be busy, though! Working 2x's what I am technically allallowed, along with 4 classes and prep for my thesis... I really need to start getting through more of Genji, fast!
Also, I want to walk more this fall than I have been - I am making plans to walk the battlefield on weekends for the day. It will probably take a whole day!! But the idea is very exciting and I am going to gather up some maps and guides tomorrow when I get time.

It will be just like trips to historical temples in Kyoto, except now it will be historical battlefields! Well, not quite the same, but still very inspiring.
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