December 2nd, 2006



Up until tonight I had not watched Children of Dune on my computer... You know what that means! (Yes, new icons!) Well, I didn't watch it all, but I did fit in some, including Inama Nushif.
There's nothing quite like singing along to a Fremen song.

Inama nushif
Al-asiri ayi
Lianni zaratha zarati

Why is it that I get so bogged down in my own stories, yet good characters are as heartwarming as a close friends? My mind as enough to keep itself busy without trying to compete with such things. (That is partially what I was trying to get at earlier, but it just wasn't working.) Also, the less complex I can keep things, the better. I tend to get myself running in these endless circles and when I look back I shake my head. That is true for homework, leisure, and everything else.

I need to find efficiency.
Then maybe I would be less hyper, less foggy-minded, and less ignorant all the time.

Denied...Given hope...

The night before last I had another dream.

In the dream, someone I knew died. Within my mind I thought that, had I known the person better, I would be very hurt; but since we were not all that close, I wouldn't feel it so deeply as others.
However, as the dream went on, I broke down. I was weeping and I could find no comfort. I couldn't stop.
I thought it strange. I thought it must come from something more than this incident - something deeper.
I was met by someone else I knew. The person was talking to me, asking me what was wrong. I don't remember if I answered. The person looked me straight in the eye and spoke to me with an unwavering tone. I cannot remember what the words were exactly, but when I woke up I recorded this: "This does not mean you will die." Whether it was this or not, after I heard it, I froze. Something inside reacted, but I couldn't say what it was. I remember staring back at the speaker for a long time, still, speechless. After a time, the dream continued in a normal fashion.
Well, for the most part. I was still rather shaken up and wanted to ask the speaker if it would be too much to ask that I sit beside or maybe even lean against them for a short time. Just to gain back my composure for a time and feel supported. I wasn't even asking for an embrace, just a wall to fall against.
I didn't ask.
I couldn't ask! How imposing of me!

I left, wondering why such simple things were so complicated. And now, I am wondering how to make such complicated things simple.

To be alive and yet be dead and yet alive... Can one be both alive and living?
The dream has stirred curious feelings within me all weekend. It will not give me rest.
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