July 5th, 2007


Daily Psalm - Psalm 3

Not a Gospel passage, but a Psalm today

Title: The LORD who saves
Psalm 3

You know, last year at this time I had this Psalm memorized. I was just beginning to really go back and read my Bible (well, the little pocket Bible that the Gideons gave me one year on campus). Since I wasn't sure how to pray, I thought I would read Psalms. And why just read them if I could memorize them and lock them in my heart? So I memorized the first four or so. Then I started forgetting them! I have found, though, that Scripture comes back to you so much quicker than other things. Even when I don't try to remember verses, they spring into my mind^^ The Holy Spirit at work, I think, since I don't have a good memory. I don't have a memory of the time before middle school.

I need this verse right about now. I need to find that peace, that deep sleep at night that comes through trusting God. I think faith means being sure of the outcome of things even in the midst of them. This is something I still can't do. And it's not because I doubt God, but myself. I don't know if I can finish this paper and it is really troubling me. Last night when I was resting from work I just had a moment of panic and cried for the first time in a while. Then I got a grip on myself and went to bed.

So, though I feel that I am growing more mature, I am still weak and scared and perfectionistic. I don't want to live a defeated life!

I cry aloud to the Lord, and he answers me from his holy hill. Selah
I lie down and sleep; I wake again, for the Lord sustains me.
I am not afraid of ten thousands of people who have set themselves against me all around. (verses 4-6)

I want to live this this! May I have trust in God and not run away from my work, being like Nehemiah and the remnant, even though they were taunted and threatened on all sides. I hope that my faith can grow stronger and deeper despite the "many [who] are saying to me, 'There is no help for you in God.' Selah" (verse 2)

One Word: Powerful assurance
Egyptian base

Called as a Levitical priest

You know lately I have been wrestling with these mixed thoughts in scattered journal articles. Well let me be clearer about it now because I am feeling open.

My hope for a future has never been in a job or a husband. Deep down inside, I have always been an idealist. Yet, I long to serve and work very, very hard. Sometimes, I wish that I could have been a Levite woman, working hard to support the Priesthood of Aaron. Yet, I am born now. So I have to ask myself, "why?" There is no more priesthood, even though I look everywhere for it.

Ah, but wait. There is a priesthood.
It's just not where I thought it was.

1 Peter 2:10
"But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light"

and the High Priest, you ask?

Hebrews 8:1-2, 5a
"...We have such a High Priest, who is seated at the right hand of the throne of the Majesty in the heavens, a Minister of the sanctuary and of the true tabernacle which the Lord erected, and not man. ... [earthly priests] serve the copy and shadow of the heavenly things, as Moses was divinely instructed when he was about to make the tabernacle."

A shadowy reflection.
I am caught up by a shadowy reflection.
Yet, this reflection points to something more, and I can almost feel it.

Then, I think to myself. Well, if I am called to be a witness and a priest through my offering of thanksgiving and supplications, why am I in these boring clothes and stuck in the current of life? It's a rather selfish question. What do I think Jesus wore and did when he came to earth?

I need to stop looking at the idea and look into the meaning. (1 Samuel 15:22) The outside is not without meaning, but it can be distracting.
The heart of Christianity is so deep and yet so basic.

Yet, I have art at the heart of me and I know that all of creation, as well as ephods, point to glories beyond my wildest imagination. This is what I yearn and groan for deep down in my soul. Free me from this mortal flesh and mortal world and let me see... I want to see.

It is quite a lot that I am asking for.

It is the righteousness and beauty of the Most High God. I casually speak of this, though I should not. What right do I have to this glory? And seeking to take it by force leads to the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark.

This is power.
I should do well to approach with fear and reverence. (This is a theme of one of my stories, by the way.)

But, oh, how I long to run there now and escape all this vanity and tainted art around me! But I have work to do. I have some job to do. The glory will all come later once the work is done. Oh LORD, show me my work! Help me to long to serve others in prayer, always praying for all of the saints. You have chosen me by Your great mercy - mold me into one of Your priesthood, an unworthy servant - for I am one who longs to sit at Your feet in Your Holy Temple. Save me from my pride and my fears and these shadows that distract me. Give me eyes to see by faith and feet to walk by the Spirit. Bless me, like Father Abraham, to be a blessing to others. Use this life for Your glory even in the midst of this world.

I found the key!
After all these years...

I never understood how I could live for the glory of God in this world of darkness. I thought I had to die in order to do that because there was nothing that I could do that would be holy in the midst of this sin. How wrong I was. How very mistaken. I must walk in the footsteps of my Messiah, who came here, to this world of darkness, to live for the glory of God by serving, by teaching, by loving, and by sacrificing for others. I should "live" a life of sacrifice, not die to a live of pride. Pharisee-heart within me wavers. Will I be a Nicodemus and come to the threshold of truth? Or will I be full of my ideas, too full to learn?

Oh, shadowy reflection, do not draw me to yourself, but draw me to something more... Save me from my pride.