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September 4th, 2007

Not so good

Blah, I am not feeling so good today.
Maybe that soup I ate yesterday was really no good anymore. Or maybe it's because I have so much on my mind. Then again, maybe it is the sudden stress of being launched back into the hectic graduate life schedule. Whatever it is, it doesn't feel too good at all! My stomach is upset and I feel like I have a lump in my throat. Come to think of it, yesterday I didn't feel like getting out of bed. Maybe this has been brewing for a little while.
Well, this doesn't save me from all I have to do today! I need to see if the Excel offered in the labs on campus have a certain add-in. If not, I will have to see if CLIS can lend me a laptop for the semester. If not, then... Hmmm... Also, I have class and homework to attend to. I wish I wouldn't allow myself to be so distracted at a time like this!
Well, on the bright side, I have Dr. Soergel for class today! That will be fun. Also, I am meeting up with a friend for dinner after class. I am looking forward to that, too. It should be a great day, despite the busy schedule and the weird sickness I am feeling!

Decision making

When making a decision, we are told to list all the possibilities and then weigh/measure them against criteria, thus determining the best choice.

My decision: what to do at the end of the semester?

I could list all my possibilities. I could share my secret desires. You would see such criteria as: location, assurance of housing, availability of transportation, potential for Bible study/teaching, and presence of loved ones. There's a lot that could be said and it is all scribbled in blue pen in the back of my decision making notebook.

In my case, though, I have identified only one determining criteria.

No matter how much I want to be a support there.
No matter how strong my sense of responsibility to the mission.
No matter how bold my heart wishes to be in search of its desires.

I will seek to find the option that meets this criteria:
Where will I be most able to contribute to my God's will of goodness and kindness?

This is what I balance my future on, because my own will is passing and imperfect - but His will is unfailing in all truth, love, and righteousness.

But so far I cannot say what the answer is. This morning's Bible study challenged me more so that now I am all a-tangle. I thought I was willing to be obedient, but am I? I am so sure of my own ideas that I have no room to accept anything more. Or is it more? I need discernment to see what is my own passing will and what is eternal will.

That's why I am unsure, as you know.
That's why I stand back, as I wish I could tell you.
That's why I wonder, I say to you who is not listening.

Have you guessed at my questions?
Have you evaluated the possibilities?

All I want to do is fulfill my purpose.

Fulfill.
To complete that which was begun.
From Genesis 1:26. To John 3:3.

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