October 6th, 2007


A day of fall (or is it?)

The sky is full of large rolling grey and white clouds. It looks like fall. But when I step outside, it will be 85 degrees. This is just not right!

Writing last night:
I spent some time up last night recording a bunch of the thoughts that have been swimming in my mind. My prayers are kind of a scattering of thoughts - prayer for guidance, understanding, help, blessing for others, praise, thanksgiving. I think I still have a long way to go, and maybe something will actually come out of all this chaos that I have been facing this fall.

Dreams last night:
Yesterday I had a weird bunch of dreams. I suppose my mind is working out something. I dreampt about planes and helicopters, deer and giant squid, and the Guild's contact lenses. The giant squid was supposed to be just a movie prop, but it had the texture and weight of a real one (at least what I imagine a real squid would have...I have never seen one this size).

Today's schedule:
Today I plan to meet with one student, a friend of mine from last fall, and then work on my midterm. I have been putting it off. Hopefully I will be able to focus and get it nearly complete this afternoon and evening. I will be sure to get the tootsie rolls and music ready.

What music should I listen to, I wonder? Sometimes Frank Sinatra makes me want to work. Sarah Harmer cheers me up, but then I just sing along and don't work. The techno is always a good and reliable back-up - I am listening to some now.

Today for lunch I am being lazy and cleaning out my freezer. There's some homemade mac and cheese that's been there a while and so I will eat half of it today for lunch with nori that my roommate left me. It'll be a good combination, I think. Also, eggs and nori are great.
My hands are sore from emptying the ice tray, pulling apart the frozen mac and cheese, and then running hot water to melt the excess of ice cubes. There doesn't seem to be a way to stop the machine from overproducing ice... or maybe I am just not trying hard enough.

There was a scene toward the end of Hunters of Dune that I keep thinking about; yet, even so, I can't envision it. It seems so impossible. I keep trying to imagine it and keep failing. It will be interesting to see if the last volume will enable me to picture this - if so, then it will truly be a quality story.

These are the usual topics of consideration I have during the day.


I feel like a frayed rope in a game of tug of war.
I feel torn to pieces by those close to me who want the best for me.
The more people tug and the more people pull, the quicker I unravel. No words can ease the pressure I feel this fall. Yet, I know I will overcome - not of my own power, but by the power of the living Word. So though I fall again and again into tears, I can get up again and push onward. Lord, have mercy!