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November 10th, 2012

'Then [Job] replied to Adonai:
"I am too ashamed; I have nothing to say.
I lay my hand over my mouth.
Yes, I spoke once, but I won’t answer more;
all right, twice, but I won’t go on."' Job 40:3-5 (CJB)

'Then [at last,] [Job] gave Adonai this answer:
"I know that you can do everything,
that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.
"[You asked,] 'Who is this, hiding counsel,
without having knowledge?'
Yes, I spoke, without understanding,
of wonders far beyond me, which I didn't know.
"Please listen, and I will speak.
[You said,] 'I will ask questions; and you, give me answers' —
I had heard about you with my ears,
but now my eye sees you;
therefore I detest [myself]
and repent in dust and ashes."' Job 42:1-6 (CJB)

These passages were on my mind at some point while I was drifting between sleep last night. This observation came to my mind: After the LORD speaks, Job's first response is to close his mouth. After the LORD speaks a second time, Job's response is to speak to God.

God did not leave Job in a place where Job was to remain silent and fearful forever. No, God continued to lead Job out of his suffering to a place where Job would have communion with God in righteousness.

That's encouraging for me! I trust in the LORD when he says that "whoever believes on [Jesus] will not be put to shame" (Romans 9:33). David affirmed, "I have also trusted in the LORD; I shall not slip" (Psalm 26:1). Therefore, I will trust the LORD that He is bringing me from a place of fear and confusion to a place of communion with Himself - just as He did for Habakkuk and Job. Bless the Lord, oh my soul!

Review of illness

When I filled out my Asperger's evaluation paperwork last month, I wrote that I'm often sick. The doctor asked about this during our phone interview last Thursday. I decided to pull together some notes from livejournal from the past four years:

2013: October 27 - sore throat, sinus congestion, blocked ears, fatigue, cough that persisted a few weeks
2012: October 11 - deep cough, sore throat, tired (common cold)
2012: September 12 - sore throat, sinus pressure, tired (common cold)
2011: November 7 - sinus infection, ear infection
2011: January 9 - stuffy, germy, tired
2010: April 11 - coughing, sinus congestion, tired (sinus infection / springtime allergies?)
2010: April 1 - swollen throat
2010: March 25 - ears hurt
2010: March 22 - nausea, tired
2010: February 2 - caught a cold from shoveling snow; was sick for a week
2009: November 3 - sick two weeks with the flu, sinus infection, and ear infection in both ears
2009: May 7 - cold that lasted about a week
2009: February 21 - unbalanced, sinus pressure, pale
2008: August 8 - flu

2012: November 10 - Nausea, tired (after a day out shopping at malls)
2012: October - Nausea, tired, aching (after a day of hiking)
2012: September 30 - nausea, headache, fever, threw up (after a day of house cleaning)
2011: March 13 - nausea, threw up (after a day at the zoo)
2010: June 27 - nausea, pain in my midsection, headache, fever (after a day outside with radios)

2011: December - panicked and nearly started crying after being invited to leave the kitchen where I was working and participate in a social tea event
2011: various months - panicked and cried upon arriving to serve in childcare on Sunday mornings

Thank you to my family and friends who have been there for me when I haven't felt well. You are all a gift from God.

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