March 1st, 2013

bird in the sky

I want... But...

If I end up staying in this area for another couple years...
That's something I've resisted considering, but seeing as it's already been five years now...I guess it's worth considering.

During the time I've been here, I've lived in two different apartments, an alley rowhouse, and a street rowhouse. I've lived on my own, with a roommate, and with five housemates. I've lived over an hour commute away from work and a twenty minute walk from work. If my job situation were to remain fixed, what other things would I like to change?

1. I'd like a clean, orderly, quiet home
2. I'd like a laundry machine in the house, but in a separate room where the laundry can be easily processed
3. I'd like a mold-free, pest-free, crack-free kitchen that has a cabinet for my tea
4. I'd like plenty of bookshelves for my books
5. I'd like to be within walking distance of a grocery store
6. I'd like to be within a 40 minute commute from work
7. The big question is - what about church?

It's at this point that my thinking breaks down and I give up. I really want to commit to a Messianic congregation, but I don't have a car and it would be a long commute if I relocated that far away. Plus, I feel as though I have important responsibilities here now with my Monday Bible study and roommates. But who says I "have" to stay here? I'm just rambling now. I have this mental debate with myself quite regularly. In the end, I conclude that I just need to move back to PA; but so far, that hasn't happened, either.

Not knowing what to do or where to start, I just throw my hands up in the air and hide behind website windows and books, hoping that somehow the space around me will magically become controlled and comfortable.