Jehoshabeath

Row houses that are not flush with one another, dark rooms, and books that are not evenly lined up on bookshelves leave me feeling uncomfortable. Even if I rest in those places, I don't feel rested. Maybe that's why I've made so many trips to tidy bookstores, wide rivers, and well-lit restaurants over the past few years. I can study there and I actually feel comfortable. I can sit there and actually feel rested.

The other day I was sitting at work and not feeling right. I doodled a little character in a baseball jersey in my planner. Actually, I felt more like the girl in the drawing that I felt like the girl in the office. But I was here and not there! I can't wear a baseball jersey to work or tote around a baseball. But that is the way I wanted to be in just that moment. Could I do that after work? Hmm, probably not. I don't want to have to fight off confusion with explanations - I just want to spin.

During lunch time on Wednesdays, there's a group that meets at my office for Bible study. I've been participating for a few years now, and it's been such an encouragement to me. In recent weeks, I've showed up feeling tired and angry; but I'm met by a group that all loves the Lord and when we open up God's word together, I feel so comforted. We've studied Job, Mark, and are currently working our way through Hebrews. I haven't had a whole lot to contribute recently, but I've been blessed just to listen to those who are older than me and have walked with the Lord longer. They have such a quiet confidence in God and sincerely love the Lord Jesus. It's like a breath of fresh air to meet with them.

"For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them." Matthew 18:20

When people ask me what I do in my free time, I often have to think a while before formulating an answer. Quite a bit of my free time is spent doing nothing in particular. I may look around my room or stack books on my desk. Of course, I do lots of other things, too - talk with others, run errands, listen to music, read, watch something on TV, drink tea - there are many possibilities! But even so, I feel like I need a lot of time doing nothing except transitioning, readjusting, or preparing for whatever comes next. I can write a note in my planner or refer to my calendar within a few seconds, but I have to give myself a long time to let those things sink in and structure themselves in my mind so I'm ready to face the week ahead.

I'm learning to appreciate that time and my need for it. I realize that it's just as valid as the time spent running those errands or work projects. It's a part of the process. Even though it may look like inactivity, it's still an activity - a processing activity.

Ever since last October, I've been really excited about baseball :) My boyfriend Nathan taught me the rules while I was on furlough. We watched a bunch of post-season games and learned how to score them. Behind the cut are some photos of the baseball fun! ( Collapse )