April 25th, 2014

The Narwhal

For River: Beautiful Things

River: Would you... like to name her "Anya"?

River cares deeply about Anya. She befriends her and names her. She wants to be with her and is excited at the opportunity to visit and watch over her. She knows all about her and is hurt when others ignore her.

Sometimes I have thought that I love my interests in a similar way. It's not that I simply find them amusing or interesting. I actually care about them. I want to guard them and sit with them. I'm so happy to see them. When I think about it like that, though, I seem very strange. I mean, who would care that much about a clay tablet or a lighthouse? They aren't even alive. But that is how I feel. Just how I feel.

I didn't realize that I felt like that when I was a kid. That I was like Dr. Jones, who cared more about people who'd been dead for five hundred years in another country than about his son Indiana. It wasn't until I got to Croatia that I realized I had such a wonderful family who were more beloved than any thing that I was studying. I appreciated them so much and wanted to show them how much I loved them!! ♥ I love them so much.

I still feel care for my interests, too, though. Is that ok? Is it sinful or is it just a difference? Is it possible to feel differently? What does it look like for me to love others? What does it look like for them to love me? These are the questions I've had as I've gone sailing into the world.

(Sixth post reflecting on the video game "To The Moon")

For River: Solitude

River: ...You're at my spot.

When I was in middle school, we threw a surprise retirement party for my grandfather. It was hosted at a Victorian house set atop a hill by the river. It was a cold, rainy evening, so we dressed warmly. I had a velvet blue and black dress, my black cloak, and a black hat to match. The house's grey exterior blended in with the evening; but inside, it was warmly lit with colorful decor and cheerful guests. Even Abraham Lincoln came for the celebration! (Well, a reenactor :P) The living room was decked in colorful needlework, fancy settees, and a harmonium. The dining room glowed green with its vibrant wallpaper and abundant food, framed by two dark oil portraits on the far wall. Everyone was excited and my grandfather was so surprised and happy!! :) Everyone stood and smiled and talked and enjoyed the celebration.

At some point during the party, I stepped outside. I don't remember why. I found myself standing on the wide wrap-around porch. The blue wooden planks were firm under my feet. The air was damp and cold. Rain was dripping from the tall magnolia trees. It was dark and quiet. Such a refreshing, peaceful place. And I was comfortable. Behind me, I could sense the rosy glow from inside and hear the echo of voices. It was enough for me to know that they were there as I enjoyed the cool quiet of the evening out here. I wanted to stand there forever.

(Seventh post in reflection on the video game "To The Moon")
dwelling, tent, house, tabernacle

Resonance and Capacity

After quite a bit of writing this week, I'm feeling... like my thoughts need to work themselves out. I mean, they're typed out, but they haven't settled in my head yet. I feel like I need some quiet time - even though I've already had a lot of that this week. Need more time to allow the sediment to settle so I feel like I have the space to move through life freely again. Still echoing and resonating. Still transitioning. Haven't quieted down yet. Still burning energy rather than storing it. Need to reach the point where I can build up reserves again.