May 22nd, 2017



I've read that Aspies are intellectually mature, but socially and emotionally not-as-mature. I can relate. I continue to struggle with "growing up." I've tagged some of my older posts about it, because it's been an ongoing challenge for me.

Back in high school, my peers were looking forward to getting their own car, to finding a good job, to getting married and having children, to buying a house, etc. But I wasn't interested in those things. I just wanted to write, draw, and study. I couldn't think of a single aspect about being a grown-up that I liked that I couldn't do and enjoy as a kid.

Well, I've tried very hard to grow up - to be responsible, professional, etc. But even when I do, people still think I'm in high school. My voice is squeaky and I still don't feel comfortable in office clothes. It continues to be frustrating because now I don't "feel" like a child, but I also don't "feel" like an adult. Not only that, but I'm really trying to be an adult, and I feel like I'm still failing. I don't want to change myself any further. I already feel out-of-place enough :(

I'm still learning and still growing. It's encouraging to look back on where I've been and see how far I have come. I'm thankful that I recorded some of that here in my journal.