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January 11th, 2019

Invisibility

Happy New Year!

I hope you are all having a blessed start to the new year <3

Recently, I've been diffusing a blend of camphor, bergamot, and grapefruit. The camphor seems to help my sinuses stay clear and the grapefruit is refreshing. Bergamot is one that I haven't used much before. It's a citrus fruit and has a bright quality to it, similar to lemon. The fragrance of these three oils together is light and not overpowering. It's a clear scent. I've been diffusing it in the evenings and have been sleeping well. I don't feel groggy in the morning, but I do feel comfortable and rested. I've been choosing oils based on what I'm in the mood for, so it seems that I'm in the mood for some brightness and clarity on these cold January days.

In terms of research, I've been digging into fossils, watching the PA Farm Show, and drawing foxes. Did you know that there are different types of foxes? I was familiar with the red fox and arctic white fox, but I didn't know that there was such a thing as a grey fox. Grey and red foxes both live here in Pennsylvania. Grey foxes are mostly grey, but they also have rufous, white, and a bit of black coloring. They blend in very well with the trees and tend to live at the edges of woodlands. Grey fox is unique because they can climb trees like a cat :) When we drove down to Gettysburg, I watched the trees and rocks pass by outside the window and tried to imagine fox living there and blending in among the trees. He must blend in very well!

This reminded me of an online quiz I did once that asked which super power I would choose. I wanted to be invisible! Mom asked why I wanted that ability rather than flying. I mean, I love birds, so flying seemed like the clear answer. Mm, flying would be amazing, but I felt that I wanted much more to be invisible. Why? ...I couldn't really explain why.

I've been thinking more about that. This is what I jotted down this morning about it -

Because I am sensitive and don't want to engage with everything all the time? How deep do I go when I experience things? Maybe I shouldn't feel into things so intensely. How can I be and not feel deeply into things, though? Why do I feel out things so intently? It feels as if I'm enveloping myself around the other thing/person, embracing it with care and attention. Can I choose what people/things I interact with this way and pass other things by? What is this "feeling out"? It's like I actually stretch out and touch with my vision or my heart. Do I always have to try so hard? Why do I reach out so desperately? Why do I rely on things to reverberate my energy? Can I be more stable and content grounded in the Lord, so I don't have to always be reaching out, seeking, chasing? Able to stand at peace in confidence in the midst of sensitivity?

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