Everything I need I have been given. I came into the world with nothing and will leave with nothing; and yet I have been offered the promise of a blessing that will take hold now and never pass away. Snatched from death and now dead to the flesh. If I live now, I cannot live by anything but the Spirit of the Living and Holy God. Yet, how unfit I am. How unworthy a vessel, and even my "righteous acts are like filthy rags," as the prophet Isaiah says. Yet the Apostle Paul tells me that my own body is "a temple of the Holy Spirit." How hard it is to comprehend. I echo King Solomon: "But will God really dwell on earth? The heavens, even the highest heaven, cannot contain you. How much less this temple I have built!"
Living with an intentional desire to live is rather interesting. I started again at the beginning, layer by layer laying a foundation to construct a life founded on truth, raised on mercy and hope.
I need to sandal myself with peace and begin to learn to walk.
I need to get off milk and onto solid food, drink from the spring of living water.
Now that I am learning, my soul cries out! I prayed to be made like David, who had a heart that thirsted for God's righteousness and grace. Oh, to serve the Lord of lords and be among his household. No, to be adopted. A child of the Most High.
There's such a swarm of thoughts, a cloud of doubts, a storm of questions that have not taken shape. It's the unrecognized information need that can be expressed, but not in words and not in form. A deep curiosity, a quiet whisper that urges me to go on. Now what do I do that I have found that knowledge I sought for so long? I thought it was unreachable. I was fooling myself. I was doubting what God can do.
Why would God bother to give His word if it were unknowable by men?
We might not be able to understand it on our own, but that is the whole reason God wants to work in us. To cure our blindness, to free us from ignorance and death. Through Him all things are possible in accordance to His will.
God created all things. He created my sight. So why do I trust my sight more than I trust the one who made sight? Faith doesn't come naturally. Yet it is by faith that we obtain a good testimony. So why am I slow to change? Why is it so difficult for me to see and to live?
God grant me the humble heart of one who can look beyond the self to fulfill a life of love.