Megan (jehoshabeath) wrote,

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Growing, always

Recently, I read over some emails that I had written during my days in college. I was surprised by the tone of them - they were full of zeal and friendliness, but they were very immature. I thought that I had left that trait behind in high school? My earliest livejournal posts are even worse. Even as of a few months ago, I see that raw tone of untempered eagerness. How could anyone stand to listen to me? The tone irritates me, and I'm the one who was writing :P

I've never been satisfied to simply hear about things - I must experience them for myself. I think that above all, the reason that I decided to study abroad in high school was out of jealousy. Every morning in homeroom, the teacher would remark on the exploits of a gal from LAHS who was studying overseas in Eastern Europe. Why wasn't I the one over there? In college, my reasons were mostly due to my love for the art of the country and a determination to embrace the culture this time around. In both cases, passion provided my sense of reason. I suppose I am still blown about by that insatiable hunger to taste and test the world of this life.

This past year and a half has been an exciting adventure. With the information available via the internet, I've finally been able to pursue curiosities and dreams that I never seriously thought possible. From Morse code to braille to sailing and even a little poking around into the art of archival research and reenacting. As in my study and my work, I've felt wholly determined to devote all of my effort and heart into each of them. I want to do it all well, and I want to make everyone proud of the time and effort that they sacrifice for me. But even in these, I went a bit overboard. My zeal again mounted wings and tore through the air forward, to some unseen goal of success and brilliance. And when I stepped down to take in the view, I was sometimes surprised to see where I found myself. I wind up in the strangest of places!

I want to be a person who can be at peace with who I have become. I don't want to be hasty and immature in my actions, winding up at some unknown destination alone and unhappy. I want my curious, energetic character to be tempered by thoughtfulness and care.

I want to be someone who people look forward to sharing a Guinness with over a basket of sweet-potato fries. I want to bear fruits worthy of my calling as God's child. I want to be harmless as a dove and as wise as a serpent (Matthew 10:16). I want to be an explorer in 21st century America and all the times that came before. I want to be someone worthy of respect and a pleasant companion along this road for those who happen to cross paths with me.

While I taste, test, love, and serve in this life, I want to grow. I want to honor my Maker in all that I do and be a walking blessing to my neighbors. A simple child and a person of peace.

Micah 6:8
"He has shown you, O man, what is good;
And what does the LORD require of you
But to do justly,
To love mercy,
And to walk humbly with your God?"

1 John 5:3-4
This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith.

I want to grow - grow into that person who the Lord knows I can become through Him! :)

And now, time for some hot soup, potato bread with peach jelly, vit C, zinc, olive leaf, and tea in order to kick this cold that caught me from the change in weather. Then I plan to watch Gods and Generals and rest up. Laundry and job applications will just have to wait a little longer. In my reading of these two new books, Col. Pettigrew is now on the banks of the Potomac with his new NC regiment and Gen. Pickett is on his way back to VA from Gettybsurg.
Tags: aspergers, chores, christian, health, hyperactivity, interests, matthew, me, micah, movies, path, sanctification

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