Megan (jehoshabeath) wrote,

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I have an unhealthy tendency to overwhelm myself in interesting things.

When I find myself waiting with nothing to do, I can't sit still - I need to explore, to find, to entertain myself, to keep my mind in motion. I chase after new, curious things until I have my arms full and don't have time to set any single thing into place. Eventually, I abandon some things - others I try to keep juggling until they come crashing down. And in the end, I feel quite exhausted, stressed, and guilty for not having seen anything through to the end. But at the time, I feel that I just can't sit still doing nothing. It's like I'm mentally starving and need something to chew on.

I'm trying to figure out how to manage the interests that I have. That's easy enough to say now, but once I hit a lull where I have nothing to do, I am grasping, desperate for something to occupy the time. Either I need to find a way to look busy or else I need to keep myself working. I'm not sure if this is normal, or if I am grieving myself out of a need to be constantly mentally "busy."

Does anyone else have this problem?

At the moment, I'm listening to WN5V from Louisiana on my 40/20m wire, which I've restrung indoors in case we have a thunderstorm. I still get an S6 noise level, even though I would have expected it to be higher indoors. I would still like to become a good CW op, but CW is not really something that I can use to fill up my "down time" when I am on metro, breaks at work, or when I find myself in need of a temporary distraction. CW practice requires me to have some time here at home with either the laptop or my rig. The mandolin isn't really something that I can use to fill in the time cracks either, since I can't carry it wherever I go. Ditto for sailing, Hebrew, ship transcribing, etc.

Does anybody have any advice on how I should address this? Do I need to address the root of "needing to seem busy"? Or do I need to ration out my mental resources to a checklist of things? Any thoughts would be welcome :)
Tags: anxiety, aspergers, daily, hyperactivity, interests, me, questions, stuff

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