Megan (jehoshabeath) wrote,

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The spiritual struggle of souls

Last night I dreamed a dream of defeat.

I woke up feeling disturbed and I carried that sense of defeat with me the whole day. I recalled the old daydreams that I used to weave. Hours upon hours, the same scene, the same wish: to escape this messy and fearsome world. I was just waiting for someone to come and spill the blood.

Then one day, a medic came along. He dropped his kit bag alongside me and began to stitch up the wound, cleaned it, dressed it, treated it, and healed it. "Hey, you're interfering! That hurts!" I yelled at him. But the doctor calmly spoke to me, telling me that He had better plans in store for me than to watch me die under the shadow of fear. How wonderful it felt to have that wound healed and to walk side-by-side with the medic. I wondered how I could have spent so much time pouring over that sorrowful scene.

But today, I let my mind wander back to that old daydream. Fear caught me by the sleeve and dragged me over to the portal. I peered through and I listened to the voice of fear as it spoke to me: "Life is so hard! and such a big mess. How am I supposed to live in the midst of this broken place? If I say the wrong thing, I hurt people. If I teach the wrong thing, I could lead people astray. If I make a mistake, even a small one, I break things. I am afraid to touch anything! It would be easier to give up."

But the medic returns and snatches me out of fear's grip. He cradles me in His arms and sets me back on my feet again, planting me on solid ground. Quietly, He speaks to me the truth: "I can use you, Jehoshabeath." "For [you] are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that [you] should walk in them." (Ephesians 2:10) "[You] can do all things through Christ who strengthens [you]." (Philippians 4:13) "...Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." (John 14:27) "...lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age." (Matthew 28:20)

But, look how weak I am!
Look how foolish!
Look how naive!
Look how helpless!
Of what possible use am I?

Ex 3:11 ..."Who am I, that I should go...?"
Ex 3:13 ..."...Then what shall I tell them?"
Ex 4:1 ..."What if they do not believe me...?"
Ex 4:10 ..."O Lord...I am slow of speech and tongue."
Ex 4:13 ..."O Lord, please send someone else to do it."

Ah, what familiar thoughts. But look what God did with His servant Moses! He can use me for good, just as he used a fishermen from Galilee, a harlot from Jericho, a shepherd boy from Bethlehem, and oh so many more precious souls from among the children of men.

So, I choose this day to whom I will listen. Will I listen to the voice of fear or to the voice of God? I choose to listen to the voice of God and to submit to His will.

I just watched the scene from the Prince of Egypt that depicts Moses at the Burning Bush. It always brings tears to my eyes... God is so merciful and mighty. I'm in a good place if I stand with Him.

Through Heaven's Eyes

A single thread in a tapestry
Through its color brightly shine
Can never see its purpose
In the pattern of the grand design...

So how can you see what your life is worth
Or where your value lies?
You can never see through the eyes of man
You must look at your life

Look at your life through heaven's eyes...
Tags: fear, hope, me, path, questions

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