Megan (jehoshabeath) wrote,
Megan
jehoshabeath

Living

I want to live sincerely so desperately. I sometimes stop and look at my reflection in the mirror and it seems just like a stranger - I don't see that reflection all that often. Or I stop and feel the breath I inhale into my lungs. Why is it that the only time we thank God for health is after we've just recovered illness? I want to feel myself and know that this person is alive and remember that is as much of a creation as the cloudy skies I praise so dearly. If only I could be more aware of so simple a thing as breath. Is this why idealizations of sacrifice appeal so much? Or why mediation did? How can I train myself to stop biting my lip and start being thankful for being alive and well? I just want to hold that awareness within my soul, but I am so very forgetful and so easily distracted. So easily discouraged from living sincerely. We are the fish in the water and we don't even realize that water which surrounds us, makes us, and gives us power of life. We are so blind.
Tags: anxiety, aspergers, dissociation, injury, me, serephes journal
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