Megan (jehoshabeath) wrote,
Megan
jehoshabeath

  • Mood:

Bungle

I had been invited to participate in a holiday sing along with some co-workers, but wasn't feeling up to joining them at their practice meeting last week. This was the conversation that I had with my co-worker about how the music performance went at today's office holiday party.

Me: How was the music?
Co-worker: (gives me a sarcastically critical-disappointed-judgmental look) You're a religious person, aren't you?
Me: Errr uhhhmmm (thinking) Religious is not the right word for it. I mean, Christianity isn't a religion in the sense that it has a set of rules and a works-based methodology. Instead... (Looking back, I should have just said - I believe in Jesus.)
Co-worker: Well, I see that you have some texts up in your cubical.
Me: Ah, yeah. (thinking) You noticed? I wonder if most people notice? I wonder if they're too much or not enough?
Co-worker: So you sing at church?
Me: In the church I attend now, we sing a lot. It's really nice. (feeling lovely and comforted at the thought of the music we sing at church)
Co-worker: So what's different about singing there than here?
Me: There I sing with hundreds of other people!
Co-worker: (gestures at the space around us where the people had been crowded and singing earlier)
Me: (fumbles at a lame excuse as to why I was not present to sing with everyone) Well, I was in a couple different places and I missed out.
Co-worker: ...

The subject changed and we chit-chatted a bit.

Co-worker: How long have you worked here? A year?
Me: Well, I worked in another department before here. I started there in 2008 and so I've worked here for 2 years. One year was as a contractor. It's weird - I keep thinking that last year I was here at the Christmas party with Joe. [my former supervisor who passed away earlier this year]
Co-worker: Yes, that was such a shock.
Me: Yeah...it was...sad.
Co-worker: And you worked with Joe a lot?
Me: I was his assistant.
Co-worker: So you must be doing the work of two people right now.
Me: Yeah...it's been kinda tough.
Co-worker: Well, you seem to be doing a good job.
Me: I do my best... (thinking) Oh, please don't compliment me. But since you just did, I will shrug off the compliment by putting myself down like this. (Looking back, I should not have put myself down. Instead, I should have given glory to God - my Strength (Psalm 22:19) and my Captain (Hebrews 2:10). Ack...)

So in the end, I did not acknowledge my faith in Christ nor did I praise God. I suddenly felt like Peter in John 21 - a forgiven failure. FAIL! And yet, Jesus was right there by Peter's side, having forgiven him. I've been praying for opportunities to grow in loving others and speaking of my faith by word of mouth. May this be one of the teaching moments - a mistake that might prove to be beneficial in the future to the glory of God.
Tags: communication, grace, holiday, internal dialogue, jesus, john, sin, social, work
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