Megan (jehoshabeath) wrote,
Megan
jehoshabeath

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Characters by many names

When I was in middle school, I crafted many characters. Sometimes I drew them, other times I wrote a character profile, and still other times I imagined scenes. The scenes were more like screencaptures than moving plot lines. It seems that I came up with a new character every day! The A-wing pilot, the medieval musician, the Ellis Island employee, etc. I loved naming them and charting out their eye color, age, interests, etc. At various times, I tried to work these characters into stories, but the pieces never quite seemed to come together. I much preferred leaving them as static entries in a character encyclopedia, harmonizing each with my current moods and interests. They didn't necessarily have dreams or goals - just colors and tones. I felt that each had a very distinctive personality.

I, however, feel more like a chameleon than a personality. I'll be minding my own business and then *magnet* I'm suddenly drawn with an incredible force toward some interest. I quickly tune into the frequency and converse with the interest for some time. My time, money, thoughts, and activities all revolve around it. Then, without warning, it fades into the distance and I continue on my way, devoid of the energy, curiosity, and loyalty that had once strengthened me for the pursuit. I forget what I'd been so obsessed about and forget the adventures I took in the course of exploring that foreign landscape. All the while, I find it hard to picture myself in a holistic way. I still see myself in screenshot, rather than in motion.

Will I be able to see myself in a larger context this year? Will I be able to put the character facets together and find the whole? Will I learn to live in motion? There's only one way to find out.

She picks up her helmet and says to the droid, "Let's go, G2-4T!" His binocular eyes turn to follow, but she's already hopped out the door.

"Wait for me!" he honks.
Tags: art, aspergers, interests, me, questions
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