Megan (jehoshabeath) wrote,

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The nearest full-size grocery store is about a mile or two from here. I've walked there a couple of times for groceries, but found that there was a problem. After I finished and had arms full of groceries, I could barely make it back to the house! I told myself, "Now, Megan, there's no rush. Take your time and walk home." Yet, when my arms were being strained by thirty pounds of food, I found that I was running to get home before the bags tore or my arms gave out. Hurry! Before everything falls and rolls away!

That's often how my mind feels. Yesterday, I was rushing to finish a draft of a report and I told myself, "Megan, why are you rushing? There's no need to hurry." There may not have been a project deadline, but I did need to hurry because my mind was straining to hold together all of the next-steps and procedures that it needed to perform. If I hadn't rushed to the threshold of the next stage of the project, all the tasks and details would have fallen out of my mind and rolled into thin air - just like the groceries!

My IQ testing showed that I scored below average in the "Working Memory" category. No wonder I have trouble keeping multiple things in mind at once and thus hurry to reach states where I can clear my mental CPU without losing any data.
Tags: anxiety, aspergers, chores, internal dialogue, rushed, work

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