Megan (jehoshabeath) wrote,
Megan
jehoshabeath

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For River: Connection

River: I don't want her to be alone anymore.

Which one was alone? Anya or River?

But was she alone? While her interest caused her to become lost in books, it was also her interest which provided a means of connection with others. Or so it seems to me.

I feel most cared for by those who have time for me and my interests. I'm thankful that my family always had time for me. They listened to me monologue for hours about random historical facts. They joined me on my quest to find answers in microfilm and reference books. They drove me hundreds of miles to see two photographs and a drawing, along with other artifacts. They walked with me and talked with me and loved me. I'm so thankful for them. And I'm so thankful that the Lord has also given me a loving boyfriend who does the same. He pilots starships with me, records baseball games with me, and fights off Endermen with me. He listens to me and takes time to know me and the Pokemon plushies alongside me. My parents, brother, and boyfriend all image our Loving God, who has promised to be with us and to sing over us.

Outside, though, is still a lonely place. In school, classmates weren't interested in my research and didn't pretend to be. Even when they try, they often turn away bored. Today, people may ask me about my work, my schedule, good or bad things that happened today - but to me, this feels like a thin transparent shell around the glowing core that is me. And I don't know how to share it with them. Here I am! Even though you're looking at me and talking to me, I don't feel seen. And I wish I could see you, too; but I feel drowned in the random details of the day. Where are you in the midst of them? To find me, you have to go farther...out to the clearing under the sky. And look. Where the radio signals bounce off the aurora and the cuneiform tablets wait to be transcribed. That's where you'll find me.

And where can I find you?

(Fifth post reflecting on the video game "To The Moon")
Tags: aspergers, communication, friends, interests, love, tothemoon, video games
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