Megan (jehoshabeath) wrote,

  • Mood:

To write again

Ever since graduate school, I've felt anxious sharing on my journal. I've still written posts, but I feel much more restricted in what I can say. I want to remain anonymous, but I don't feel like I can be these days. What if my coworkers read my complaints and struggles? I want to share, but I also feel like I need to put on a front because I'm an adult now and that's how one maintains professionalism. I want to express myself, because being sincere is refreshing. But I also get nervous when I start typing. Plus, it's hard to find quiet time where my thoughts and feelings can settle enough for me to catch them and put them into words.

When I started journaling here, it was a place that I shared with no one. A place where I could say whatever I was feeling or thinking. The internet felt so vast those days. Where I could explore music, join chat rooms full of people interested in the same books as me, and transform my feelings into words and relate to others through them. But now I worry that my sensitive expressions and coping will be connected to myself. Will coworkers, Facebook friends, or others find this place?

This hesitancy has been frustrating, because journaling is how I've coped with the stress of life ever since I can remember. From small paper composition books in middle school to locked diaries to to typewriters to digital blogs.

I want to share again. I want to write again. I need to process things again, because I feel so overwhelmed.
Tags: journaling

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