Megan (jehoshabeath) wrote,
Megan
jehoshabeath

The grief that isn't seen

It's been a sad day for my family. It's hard to process that internally without sharing it externally. But I don't feel like I've had the right time or space to do so, at least not at work.

Them: "Hi, how are you!"
Me: "Fine, how are you?" (me inside: rawrblahuugghh)

And so I'm treated like everything is fine when it's actually not fine. I mean, I'm ok, but I'm sad and distracted. But my acquaintances don't want or need to know that. They just need some documents updated and software fixed. Still, it feels like lying. That tension you feel when you're not being completely honest, even though it's what you have to do. Where does all that tension go? It doesn't really go anywhere. It just sort of circles back around like this:

misalignmenttension.jpg
Tags: anxiety, death, dysphoria, idea map, internal dialogue, pictures, sad, work
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