Megan (jehoshabeath) wrote,
Megan
jehoshabeath

Like a radio receiver

My preference is to observe. To quietly watch and take everything in.

But the world expects me to do, do, do. To step out and make decisions, to make impacts. That's just not my nature. I'd rather feel the ripple in the pond than be the stone that is thrown into the water. I've read that people have ambitions that motivate them to act in certain ways. I feel like I live in a state of readiness, ears open and listening. I don't feel like I have goals of my own - instead I'm attentive to what's around me. The receiver part of the transceiver. Curious, ready, and sensitive.

Is that passive? Or just a different kind of active? Even a receiver won't operate without a power supply. It may not be transmitting a signal, but it's still working.

Maybe this is why the concepts of the Vulcan 'mind meld' or the Avengers 'mind stone' are so fascinating to me. I don't want to know what everyone else is thinking or feeling. But I relate to the idea of being in perfect tune. I think it's a basic part of my experience as someone who is an observer.
Tags: anxiety, aspergers, daily life, emotions, goals, me, observer, passive
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