Megan (jehoshabeath) wrote,

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Learning to depend on the Grace of God

I've been bumping into some feelings and fears recently:

-Feeling like I have to have all of the answers.
-Wanting to be over-prepared so when I give an answer, it's correct.
-Disliking the awkwardness of practice.
-Fear of not knowing what to say, of not having the answer in/of myself. Not trusting God for guidance in that moment.
-Studying very hard and learning a lot, yet feeling unprepared or even avoidant.
-Fear of serving clients in aromatherapy or other inquiries.

I was reading in Matthew and was struck by the following passage. I've read it before, but somehow this time it really challenged and encouraged me. While my situation may not be this one, I think there's a lesson here for me in trusting God while I strive to know and do well. Yes, I should strive, but also, I should trust. What a difficult balance!

Matthew 10:18-20 - "You will be brought before governors and kings for My sake, as a testimony to them and to the Gentiles. But when they deliver you up, do not worry about how or what you should speak. For it will be given to you in that hour what you should speak; for it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father who speaks in you."

It reminds me of some of the thoughts I struggled with back in graduate school. Back then, I saw it as fear of the other. Now I wonder if it's rather fear of interaction with the other - fear that I'm not equipped with all knowledge to rightly answer each interaction. Feeling like a blind oracle, and thus withdrawing from interaction. Pulling away into my own space where I am safe from their threats and they are safe from my errors. But is that how God wants it?

Our God came down - Jesus became flesh and dwelt among us (John 1:14). He entered into our messy, broken world. He didn't withdraw from others. He also didn't rely on others to give him his value or guidance (John 2:25, Matthew 22:16). Whew, this is the challenge I'm seeing before me now.

Aromatherapy is a field where you work one-on-one with the client. Aromatherapist and Client have a relationship where the client brings needs, questions, and the aromatherapist provides knowledge, guidance, and formulates natural remedies to address the need. The client needs to be honest, and the aromatherapist needs to be honest. Both need humility and trust. The client needs to bring the question, and the aromatherapist provides the answer.

But, but, but - I say. But I don't know the answer! I'm just getting started! I pour over my books and resources, trying to solve the mysteries and to find the answers for their specific situation. And maybe this is where I need to learn to trust - to trust in God's goodness. He has provided these plants for our blessing and provided me with teachers to help me learn how to apply them. I need to grow to trust the abilities He's given me to study and learn. And I need to stand in awe and reverence of the love that He has for each person. He has created them, each uniquely, in His good and wise will. He wants what is good. And He wants me to seek the same.

The key is that I *don't* have all information in myself - I never have and never will. The client will bring their situation to me, and I will bring my knowledge and resources to the question. In that meeting, God will provide the means to provide the answer. I need His grace. I feel like maybe this is the part that I was missing.

Lord God, help me to trust in Your grace and guidance, both for myself and for my interactions with others. Thank You for the love that you have for us, and the courage that you give to us each and ever day.
Tags: aromatherapy, cassandra, counseling, courage, emotions, fear, info arch, knowledge, maker of heaven and earth, manubrium, polis, scales, social

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